


Let's Be Alone Together

by dontletyourheartdistractyou



Series: Laven Week 2015 [2]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Allen unintentionally causes Lavi to have a panic attack, But he tries to make everything better, I have no idea what the fuck this is, Laven Week, Laven Week 2015, M/M, after the war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 16:56:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4529835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontletyourheartdistractyou/pseuds/dontletyourheartdistractyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allen and Lavi find themselves running away after the war, but Lavi ends up with some self-esteem issues along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Be Alone Together

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for day two of Laven week, and the prompt was 'future'. I originally had no idea what to do for this and I was really stuck on what to do for this prompt, but I went for the future in canon.
> 
> I honestly don't know how the characterization is for this, but the panic attack Lavi has is based on my own experience from them.

The silence in the air is deafening as Lavi settles into their cabin for the night.

Both of them have been so, so scared that no words have left their lips, which felt strange to the redhead, as he had become used to the chatter that was necessary to his facade. He wants to break the quiet, say anything he can to just stop whatever kind of terror-induced speechlessness the day has forced into them. He wants to hear Allen's voice, he wants to hear the reassurance that everything's okay, everything's went to plan.

He gets a feeling he won't hear anything of the sort anytime soon.

It's not like Lavi doesn't understand why. He gets the horror that what both of them have just down, he's living it as well. And he's guilty as hell, leaving behind the Order, those he's began to see as family, and well, Bookman too - his almost grandfather, along with his duties, everything he's ever worked for, but they both needed to escape. It seems neither of them were made for this war, for the strain or the emotions or the aftermath. 

It's just Lavi - yes, he's Lavi now, not Bookman Junior, not his original name, which he can't find it in himself to remember, just Lavi - after so long of hiding his heart behind a mask needs this. He needs Allen. His comfort, his warmth, his optimism. He needs someone to remind him that now everything's going to be alright, and maybe, right now, it isn't. Allen's lost his arm and a lot of his sanity, and he's missing an eye, albeit one he never got to use very much until a little time ago, and any kind of emotional stability, and they're both broken, broken boys who never deserved any of this, but, with Allen's arm wrapped tightly around him, he can forget that.

He can forget the fucking bullshit this world has put both of them through, every little problem that's been piled on their shoulders, because Allen would be there, smiling and laughing and acting like home, and that's what Lavi needed. A home. And Allen needed that too, the redhead could tell; the white-haired boy wasn't good at hiding his emotions around him - although Lavi wasn't either, it seemed they knew each other too well - and the former Bookman could see it in his eyes. The need for love, the need for assurance, just like him.

But Allen is too frightened to give that, and Lavi doesn't want to push him in a moment of weakness like this. So he rests against the wall of the train and let's his eyes drift closed to the thoughts of the boy next to him.

-

By the same time the next day, they were inside a old hotel room on the outskirts of France, having travelled by boat over the wild ocean to a rather empty town that found much excitement in their strange new visitors. It was at this time that Lavi both hated and loved his skill in languages: he found it easy to converse with these villagers, but he had heard them talking not to innocently about the boy by his side and the redhead had clenched his fists and bit his lip and tried his best to keep the thoughts filling his mind at bay.

Not that Allen, lost in his melancholy, noticed Lavi's plight. He seemed even more taken by his sadness in his mind than before, eyes glazed over and fixed to the redhead, looking at him but not really seeing him. The absent-minded shine over grey made him want to get up and slap him and scream, and tell him to head back to the Order, because if he was so guilty about leaving then he should go back and Lavi should go off on his own without him and-

He had to physically shake that jealous and selfish thought out of his head. It was wrong to think like that; he was incredibly surprised at his mind, and the most scathing thoughts he'd had since he saw Tyki at Edo. But a realisation hit him that maybe he was a possessive and overly protective person and he maybe - just maybe - have wanted Allen's full attention.

Still, the thought of Allen wanting to go back made him hurt. Was he not good enough? Why did Allen want to leave? The thought made him bite at his nails and his eyes sparkle with tears but he held it back. He had to. It wasn't him. Allen was sad over his friends, as was he. Allen was sad. But was it truly not his fault? Lavi was the one who had suggested the plan, after all. He had caused this pain. It was his fault. All his fault.

Lavi felt sick, bile rising his throat. The room started to spin, and shake, and all who was in his vision was Allen, he had hurt Allen, he had hurt him, the room spinning and spinning and it was too much and Allen wasn't okay and neither was he, and, and... he had to get out of here.

Without a glance in Allen's direction, Lavi was up, scarf around his neck, hands wrenching open the window, and he was out in the air, landing on the ground gracefully to stares and gasps and he was running, running, running, and the tears were flowing and he could only hear the rapid beat of his heart and a confused voice screaming.

"Lavi!"

-

His legs had slowed, his breath erratic, his thoughts racing, as he slumped against a tree and slid to his knees, overwhelmed by terror and sorrow and anxiety.

'Breathe, Lavi, breathe,' he tells himself, but he can't, he just can't. He caused Allen to be like this, it's his fault, all his fault. "All my fault, all my fault," he whispers, shaking, fingers clutched in orange hair, and he needs to scream, scream, scream but he can't speak loud because he's too busy hyperventilating.

He's too far into his own thoughts, so when a shouting voice carries it's way through the forest he doesn't hear it, when white hair flashes through the trees he doesn't see it, when a lone arm wraps around him and pulls him to a warm chest he doesn't feel it. 

"Lavi, Lavi, it's me," Allen states gently, reaching around his neck to push up his head, and his heart stops when he sees the wet tracks on his love's face and the absolute misery shining in green. "Lavi..."  
The boy lying on him whimpers, trembling even harder when he hears the white-haired boy's voice. 'I did this to him, he hates me, he hates me, he hates me, Allen hates me...'

"Lavi," Allen whispers again, hearing only a fraction of the words Lavi thinks. 'Hate? My name? What is he thinking about?' Seeing Lavi start to quake uncontrollably, he tries a different route. "Lavi? ...My heart? Can you hear my voice?"

Getting no response, he sighs, burying his face into the other's hair. "Hey? Lavi? You remember when we met Krory for the first time? We all thought he was a vampire. Even Lenalee did." He laughed, albeit shakily. "You wore a necklace of garlic around your neck and carried a steak in your hand. You really were really silly back then. But the thought of it scared you didn't it. If it's as silly as that, why be scared?"

He ran his hand up and down Lavi's back attempting to soothe him, mumbling his words into the redhead's neck. "And then when we were in the ark? We were all terrified. When you attacked me, when Road got to you, when you..." Allen trailed off for a second, before snapping back to reality and continuing.

"Whatever it is, whatever is scaring you or making you upset can't be as bad as that. Nothing could be as bad as that. And nothing could make you so bad as you were then." The hiccups coming from the redhead started to subside, his tears still staining Allen's shirt, as the other kept talking. "And, you know, no matter what, I'm here for you, Lavi. I'll always be here..."

He stops for a second, taking a deep breath. "... And I'll always love you," he murmured, hearing the former Bookman gasp. "No matter what. My heart. My home."

Silence passes, and Allen almost breaks when Lavi doesn't speak for a few moments, but, eventually, the redhead looks up, eye hidden by his hair. "Really?" a mumble can barely be heard from Lavi's lips, but the sorrow of it seems to travel.

"Really," the white-haired boy replies, and Lavi's sobbing, but it doesn't matter, because Allen's there, Allen's holding him, and maybe, just maybe, everything's going to be okay.

Maybe.


End file.
